Post by Admin on Jan 26, 2018 4:23:58 GMT -5
What is "enabling"?
A simple definition of an enabling behavior is one that will keep the addiction going. Here are a few examples:
Each month, Randy gives money to his addicted sister because he fears that she won't be able to buy food if he doesn't -- even though he knows that she spends the money he gives her on drugs. He's even been known to drive her to the dealer to pick up her drugs. He tells himself, "At least I know that she's safe here with me."
Julia pays her boyfriend's rent when he's lost all of his paycheck gambling at the casino. Sometimes that means she's short of money herself when trying to take care of her own bills and other expenses -- and she rarely receives a thank you for her efforts. But she is stuck in fantasy thinking when she tells herself, "If I just love him enough, he'll change."
At 35, Tess's parents still allow her to live in the family home due to her longtime crack addiction and apparent inability to hold a job. They don't set clear and appropriate boundaries about what is expected of her, so she brings sketchy people and illegal drugs into their home. Tess is often high while there, and she doesn't contribute in any positive way, at times becoming quite abusive with her parents both verbally and physically. Her parents don't feel they can ask her to leave -- "What if we kick her out and she's on the street?"
When this kind of enabling occurs on a regular basis, the loved ones lose their own sense of self-respect and the addict has no reason to do anything differently. The dysfunctional, addictive behaviors continue -- because the most effective way to stop addiction is to stop the enabling that so often accompanies it.
A simple definition of an enabling behavior is one that will keep the addiction going. Here are a few examples:
Each month, Randy gives money to his addicted sister because he fears that she won't be able to buy food if he doesn't -- even though he knows that she spends the money he gives her on drugs. He's even been known to drive her to the dealer to pick up her drugs. He tells himself, "At least I know that she's safe here with me."
Julia pays her boyfriend's rent when he's lost all of his paycheck gambling at the casino. Sometimes that means she's short of money herself when trying to take care of her own bills and other expenses -- and she rarely receives a thank you for her efforts. But she is stuck in fantasy thinking when she tells herself, "If I just love him enough, he'll change."
At 35, Tess's parents still allow her to live in the family home due to her longtime crack addiction and apparent inability to hold a job. They don't set clear and appropriate boundaries about what is expected of her, so she brings sketchy people and illegal drugs into their home. Tess is often high while there, and she doesn't contribute in any positive way, at times becoming quite abusive with her parents both verbally and physically. Her parents don't feel they can ask her to leave -- "What if we kick her out and she's on the street?"
When this kind of enabling occurs on a regular basis, the loved ones lose their own sense of self-respect and the addict has no reason to do anything differently. The dysfunctional, addictive behaviors continue -- because the most effective way to stop addiction is to stop the enabling that so often accompanies it.